Confessions – becoming what I despise

07 Jan

They say confession is good for the soul. I tend to agree. I also think that it would help those who read my blog, but don’t know me, understand a bit more clearly what exactly it is I am and am not saying on certain issues. So here goes…

I’ve recently posted quite a few things that pertain to (for lack of a better term) Fundamentalism. I am not speaking of historic fundamentalism, but Fundamentalism with a capital “F” – what historic fundamentalism has morphed into as a movement. It should be noted that I despise what it has become and that as difficult as it is to separate some prominent men in today’s Fundamentalist movement from the movement itself as it seems to have grown around them, I do not despise the people in the movement. Some are dangerous, yes! Some have become the movement personified, yes! But I do not hate them, rather I hate the things they teach. (I have plenty of people whom I dearly love who would proudly call themselves “Fundamentalists.”) This can be seen in how Christianity is not anti-Semitic, yet we reject their rejection of Jesus and their doctrine that He was a fraud.

Here is my problem, and I struggle with it often… it is the battle of becoming the thing I despise. It is having the same attitude they have. It’s so tempting to find fault with something just because they teach it; to emphasize their error so much that I actually define Christianity as not being a Fundamentalist, to focus on the things true Christians don’t “don’t do”. To figure because they’re wrong on so many things they must be wrong about everything. This is to become them. I’ve seen it in others, and I don’t think I’m above this evil at all. It’s like what we would see in an episode of Criminal Minds: how an individual is mistreated as a child and so hates his molester so much that he becomes what he hates.
In short, I guess you could say I struggle with bitterness. I don’t deny that. I’m not confessing that I am bitter, although I was at the beginning of my freedom from Pharisaical bondage due to severed friendships, being called names, and feeling lied to for so long about so many things. But one can not be bitter and still struggle with it, actually it’s the one who is bitter that has ceased struggling with it and waived the white flag of surrender by becoming bitter. I struggle with being as belligerent over things that don’t define Biblical Christianity as they are, to tout my freedom from Pharisee-ism as they revel in their bondage to it.
This is something I think I will have to fight until I see Jesus face to face.  As long as I am fighting for truth, and longing to see others freed from the chains I was bound in, the flesh will try to kick in with prideful bitterness. Some would say that is a sign to stop speaking out against it, but I can’t do that and still teach truth.

It’s like a man having been freed from a filthy sewer hole running away, looking back at the defecation I was freed from and falling right back into an unseen sewer hole filled with the same “stuff” because I had my eyes fixed on my previous prison. This is the temptation, but I must keep my eyes on Jesus. I remind myself often, as the author of Hebrews does, to let Jesus Christ define Christianity for me not Fundamentalism or my hatred of it. For, truth be told, I only hate Fundamentalism in the first place because it doesn’t line up with the teachings of Jesus Christ in many places thus binding His brothers and sisters in some of the very areas where He died to free them.

This is one of my many struggles. Just sayin’.

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Posted by on January 7, 2011 in Christian Life


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