A Conversation with a Fundamentalist:

17 Jun

What follows is a brief encounter between an Fundamentalist (F) and a Presbyterian (P) on a Sunday afternoon while the Fundamentalist was out on visitation. 

F: If you died to day do you know where you would spend eternity?

P: Yes, heaven. 

F: How do you know that?

P: Because Jesus Christ died for my sins and rose again the third day.

F: Where do you go to church?

P: First Presbyterian Church, the oldest church in our town. 

F: That’s nice. We would love to have you visit our church!

P: I appreciate the invite, sir. Where do you attend?

F: Grace Independent Baptist Church! The only Fundamental church in our town.

P: I’ve heard of your church, your Pastor preaches on the local AM radio station doesn’t he?

F. Yes. Our pastor if a man of The Book! As a matter of fact he just preached a message this morning and mention that the KJV is the only, inerrent, inspired Word of God in English and how it is under attack in the world today. I’ll get you the tapes if you’re interested. 

P: No thank you. I am not a King James Only advocate. 

F: You don’t believe God can preserve His Word?

P: I believe He has preserved His Word, but I base my faith and practice on Scripture alone. I find nothing in Scripture that even alludes to a promise of God preserving His word in an English translation. 

F: Clearly you don’t know your Bible for the Psalmist said, “The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever. ”

P: You do realize that the thing God is said to preserve here are the oppressed spoken of in the preceding verse, not an English translation of any kind? It may seem a bit ambiguous in the English, but the Hebrew is unmistakably clear.

F: So you’re saying I do not have the perfect Word of God in my own language? No! I don’t need to know Greek and Hebrew to know what God has said.

P: There is no promise of God that you would have a perfect translation of His Word in your own language. Every translation has errors in it as that is the nature of the game. Only the originals were without error. So your belief is not founded upon Scripture or historical fact.

F: You just have to take it on faith. That’s why the Bible says “without faith it is impossible to please God.”

P: Faith in what?

F: That the KJV is in fact the preserved, inspired Word of God for the English speaking world.

P: And you believe this is true why?

F: Because it is true.

P: So you believe something to be true because you believe it to be true?

F: No. The Greek texts that all the other English perversions are based on are copies of heretical texts that were found in a trash can.

P: What makes them heretical?

F: They come from Alexandria and many heretics lived there; and they don’t agree with the King James Bible.

P: On what grounds do you set up the KJV as the standard by which to judge all other translations?

F: Because it is the Word of God!

P: Do you see how you are asserting as truth the very thing you have yet to prove? Never mind, that for now. Have you ever heard of Athanasius?

F: No.

P: He lived around 325 A.D. in Alexandria and stood against the heresy of Arianism.

F: What’s Arianism?

P: In brief – The belief that The Son of God had a beginning but God the Father didn’t. He taught that the Father and the Son were not of the same essence (thus denying Jesus’ Deity ) and that Jesus was a created being.

F: What’s that got to do with the King James Bible?

P: I’m simply illustrating that not all Alexandrian Christians were heretics. Would you like for me to cite some heretics from the Byzantine area, where your favored text grew out of?

F: The TR did not grow out of anything. It was passed down from church to church just as it was received. That’s why it is call the Received Text.

P: That’s not entirely true. Erasmus created the TR in the 1500’s by utilizing the manuscripts he had available at that time. It contains readings that are not found in any Greek manuscript other than some marginal notes added by Scribes that ended up working their way into the text.

F: I don’t believe that!

P: I don’t want you to take my word for it, research it for yourself.

F: I don’t have to, as my pastor just preached a message on it and said the KJV is the only true Word of God. He also said that liberals use other translations and deny God’s Word and that we should separate from them.

P: That’s interesting.

F: As a matter of fact he just preached a message this morning and said that bad things come in threes. When one stops using the King James Bible then two other areas also slip. He said that godly Christians need to stand for the Truth in three areas: Manuscripts, Music, and Morals. I bet you listen to contemporary Christian music, don’t you?

P: I enjoy a variety of styles of music.

F: Don’t you know that stuff is straight from the pit of hell?

P: Where does Scripture mandate a particular style of music that we are to worship God through?

F: It tells us to not be worldly, and that rock music is worldly!

P: Do you realize that the bible doesn’t define worldly as popular? Even the hymns you cherish were written in the popular style of music in the era in which they were composed.

F: I don’t believe you. My pastor told us that if a persons Bible isn’t right then that person will be wrong in his reasoning in the other two areas as well. You’re relying on man’s reasoning instead of God’s and you need to repent.

P: Repent of what?

F: Your sin of denying God’s Word and listening to ungodly music. My pastor was right. You have compromised on your Bible and you music. It is apparent by your hairstyle that you also don’t honor God in your dress.

P: How is that?

F: Do you think it is okay for women to wear pants?

P: I see nothing wrong with modest pants on women.

F: Well, the Bible says that a woman is not to wear that which pertains to a man. Pants are a man’s garment.

P: Pants made for females aren’t men’s clothing

F: Again, you’re using logic to deny God’s Word. You need to listen to the message my pastor preached this morning.

 P: I find it odd that you claim your pastor is a man of the book, yet you can give no biblical support for the three main points of His message.

F: He has studied this out and knows what he is talking about. I trust him. He has his doctorate you know?

P: Really?

F: Yes. From Hammond-Andies college

P: I have a friend who went to school there. I didn’t know they had a seminary program.

F: They don’t. His doctorate is an honorary doctorate. He was such a great man of God that they gave him a doctoral degree.

P: That explains a lot.

F Explains what?

P: Whether I tell you or not is irrelevant as you have made abundantly clear that you will denounce what I say that you do not already agree to as false without any evidential grounds simply because I do not use the King James translation of the Scriptures.

F: I do have grounds. My pastor tells me to take it on faith. I believe it because Jesus said it.

P: It sounds like your pastor preaches his own opinions instead of the truth of God. Have you actually examined what your pastor preaches in light of God’s Word?  

F: I don’t need to. He is God’s man for our church. We had a man in our church who did that. He would question our pastor on things such as God’s Word and the rapture. He said he just wanted to be Biblical in his theology, but pastor told us the man was really being divisive and we were to mark him and avoid him, as that’s what the Scripture teaches. His questioning the man of God was the same as his calling God a liar. He eventually left and joined the Southern Baptist Church down the road which proves he loves the world for had he been of us he would not have gone out from us.

P:  I hate to be rude, but I must get back to my study. We are working through the book of Romans on Sunday nights and I would like to spend a bit more time in prayer and study before delivering tonight’s message.

F: You’re a pastor?!

P: I am an elder at the church, yes.

F: Wow! My pastor was right. Presbyterians are an ungodly lot. You make me proud to be a Baptist!!


Posted by on June 17, 2011 in Humor, Legalism


Tags: , , ,

3 responses to “A Conversation with a Fundamentalist:

  1. clay921

    June 17, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Oh wow that is so good.,….so very true. You have done a superb job on this post.

  2. Brandon

    June 18, 2011 at 12:25 am

    That is pretty funny!

  3. susanne430

    June 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Good post! Nice to see you posting again. 🙂


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