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Category Archives: Sabnock’s Sermons

Sabnock’s Sermons: Put the Fear of God in them!

Xaphan,

 

I trust my revisiting the previous lesson helped you gain a further foothold in your church; you’re going to need it as this next lesson builds on that. I’m going to share with you what I have found to be the most effective tool in controlling people through religion of any kind – FEAR! That’s right, you get people afraid of something and they’ll do anything to avoid it. I’ve even been able to convince Christians to use fear of hell in their “evangelism” to get people to, as they say, “accept Jesus into their heart”. Shocked? Trust me, they’re not real converts, they just don’t want to burn forever so they jump through whatever hoop the Christian tells them to so they can have peace of mind – but they are no more a follower of Jesus than I am. I’m telling you, the surest way to keep people from following Jesus is to give them a false one and convince them that following that one is right. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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Sabnock’s Sermons: Defending the “Faith” cont.

Xaphan: you Moron!

I received your letter explaining how your church is having revival services into Wednesday (which is good as Lucifer knows you need practice), and while you see progress in getting them to idolize their teacher, you failed in implementing my most recent lesson. Didn’t work?! What do you mean it didn’t work?! You are a son of Sabnock!!! Failure is not an option! I traveled to your jurisdiction today and spent some time in the pastor’s study. I was only there a little over 10 minutes when I realize why it didn’t work. Have you even looked at his bookcase or perused his kindle? The man has at least 10 different digital translations of the Bible on there and 90% of the books he has are by knowledgeable authors who have given their entire careers to studying the authenticity of Scriptural manuscripts. Gosh, boy! You’re just like your mother! If you’re gonn’a get recognized by the master, you’d better get your head in the game. I’m giving you an inside track, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to work at it.
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Sabnock’s Sermons: Defending the “Faith”

My dear Xaphan,

I hope you have had time to meditate on the previous letter and attempted to implement it in your local jurisdiction. If you haven’t yet taken that initiative I expect you to do so by weeks end as you’ve already let one Sunday pass. Oh, and don’t tell your colleagues about these lessons just yet as it will give you an edge on them. I want to make sure Master recognizes MY SON above all your peers – trust me, it will be good for both of us.
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Sabnock’s Sermons: Idolatry

My dear son, Xaphan,

I was roaming random bookstores the other day, just to stay up with the culture, and came across an old book by one of their authors named C.S. Lewis. This book, “Screwtape Letters”, is a fictional work relating how onescrewtapelettersbook master demon wrote letters to his nephew in order to pass along the wealth of knowledge he had in attempting to defeat the enemy. While clearly a work of fiction (it didn’t end well for the two demons) there was still an element of insight to this man’s work. I have decided to make his work a reality and pen you e-mails imparting my knowledge and experience to you. Archive them, if you would, for posterity also. Just put it under “Sabnock’s Sermons” as I’m going to give you lessons on how I infiltrated the enemy camp and now have their pastors, teachers, and even the lay people preaching the propaganda of our master! Plus, “Sabnock’s Sermons” has a nice ring to it and reminds me of how I even have them hooked on alliteration as they think it makes their “message” more palatable to the listener, and those in the pew get mesmerized by that sort of fickle thing and seem to just accept any point as long as it started with the same letter as the last one. (These people are all too funny, as you’ll begin to see.) By doing this, I have been able to massively stunt the growth of professing Christians as well as ensure any prospective Jesus-follower is effectively turned off by religion of the Christian flavor. I’ve been able to not only keep people from entering the enemy camp, but also have convinced many to actually leave it! Read the rest of this entry »

 

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